Swim to shore, live to love another day

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At what point do you jump off of a sinking ship? There is an old custom of the captain going down with the ship. I actually get it. It speaks to the captains commitment to his crew and the ship.

As a leader I believe I should “Take one for the team”. There is also a line where my self preservation genes kick in and I start swimming for the shore.

I have noticed that many people stay on sinking ships until the water is up to their nose. Most of the time these people aren’t the captain of these ships, yet they remain until their demise.

What’s more alarming is that these individuals are extremely apathetic towards their situation. Not only are they choosing to stay on the sinking ship, they most often deny that the ship is sinking, or even worse, just don’t give a damn.

I see this phenomena in romantic relationships all the time. Some people will stay in abusive, unhealthy, dysfunctional, or unhappy relationships and do little to nothing to make them better.

The just sit there like Leonardo Dicaprio in the final scene of the Titanic, accepting there downfall as if they have no option.

As long as one can breath and think, there are options. I’m here to tell you that the pain and fear of jumping ship from an atrocious relationship, is always less than the pain and suffering of staying and drowning to death.

If your relationship is sinking, do all that you can to repair it before you jump ship.

Swim to shore, live to love another day.

 

 

You Don’t Understand Me.

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How has your life been impacted by you not feeling understood? How many times have you gotten upset because you thought you weren’t understood? How many times have you had to explain yourself over and over again to someone because they didn’t seem to get your point of view? How many times have you gotten into arguments with someone simply because they didn’t understand your view?

This is my story, this is my song, and I know that I’m not alone. I can’t tell you how often I feel misunderstood. Feeling misunderstood has had a major impact on my life.

I enjoy the company of those who get me I don’t want to spend much time with those who make wrong all the time because they disagree. People who agree with me are way more fun to be with.

This was how it was for me for so long. Then one day I realized two things that changed my feeling of being understood.

First I realized that I was letting what others thought about me determine my reaction. When what I should be doing is responding to them based upon who I say I am.

When I’m responding to others based upon my commitment to life vs. reacting to what they think, I always come out better.

Secondly I realized that it’s better to first understand others, than it is to try and have them get you. There is a quote that goes “Seek to understand, before being understood”.

When I make a gracious effort to understand the wants and needs of others before mine, things tend to work out better. I experience a lot more friction when I’m trying to get my point across than when I’m trying to get their point.Now I seldom feel misunderstood and on the few occasions where I do, it really isn’t a big deal.

Be the change you want to see in the world.If you want others to understand you, you must first understand them.

 

Happiness is an Inside Job

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Happiness is an Inside Job.

I just got off the phone with a friend named April, she has ben going through a tough time with her fiancé. For the past six month April has had to share her man with another woman. The side chic is taking over and it is driving her bat Sh*t Crazy.

For April, this is hell; she has become obsessed with this situation. She can’t think of anything else right now. She is so afraid that she is about to loose everything, her home, her job, her man and her mind. April’s Fiancé is now in a full-blown relationship with the side chic.

He says that he wants to keep them both. April’s default response is “Ain’t nobody got time for that”, but she stays and tries to compromise. She just can’t do it. April is unable the watch the man she had planned on marring, be all lovey dovey with the side chic. The Breakdown begins.

Last night April and me talked and she was full swing in “F*%K It” mode about her relationship. Saying things like “He don’t give a fuck about Me.” and “I really don’t want to go home.” She was pissed off and she was planning her escape. I can relate to what she is going through, I have had my heart broken some many times that I stopped keeping track. I advised her to jump off the Titanic, “Your relationship is sinking, JUMP”.

Then I called her today to check on her, and make sure she made it through the night without altercation”. Well when she answered the phone I was startled by how good she sounded. Her voice had a high tone of joy and laughter that I hadn’t heard from her in quite some time. She was giggly and upbeat. This was not the person that I was on the phone with the night before.

Before I could ask her why she was so elated, she told me. Her man had shifted his attention and love back to her, for the first time in months. She told me that he asked her to spend the day with him and he told how she was pretty. Then they topped it off with some make up sex.

She told me that she was so happy right now and it was apparent. This got me to thinking, which is why I’m writing this post. I wanted to know what actually took place inside of her mind that caused such a massive shift so fast. How could she go from being upset and done with her fiancé to being happy in love like a first time teenager?

The shift that made the difference came from with her. The few words and common action from her fiancé was just a trigger. they did not make the difference. April chose to view her circumstances differently and that made the difference.

Here’s what became clear to me at the moment that I observed this, it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with it.

What do you make it mean and how do you react. You can give a persons behavior a good or bad rating. You can over react or under react.

April, at any time could have chosen to leave or stay. She and she only is in control of her happiness. She just doesn’t know it. She believes that she has to wait for others to act for her to determine how she feels.

Stop waiting for the world to change, you be the change in the world you want to see. You be the change in your relationship. You be the change on your job. You be the change I your family. You be the change in your community.

If you want to be happy, then be happy. Say this to your self-everyday

“If it’s to be it’s up to me”