Today was one of the best days of my life. Today I learned the biggest lesson of my life. I will never be the same.
The lesson I learned is a two part lesson. First, life is what you make it. Second, your live purpose is beyond your vision, until you see it and except it.
At the age of 21 I attempted to become a runway model and exploit my looks for money and attention. I joined a model agency in pursuit of that dream. It was an awesome experience to be interacting with beautiful women on a regular basis. I had my mind set on having a relationship with the likes of Naomi Campbell or Beverly Johnson.
No such thing ever came close to happening. It turned out that the alpha females that I encountered, didn’t consider me an alpha male. This somewhat crushed my self esteem and created a long standing conversation about beautiful woman.
There were a few woman that found me attractive and choose to pursue me. I wasn’t really interested in them, so I played hard to get. The most persistent of the bunch was a young lady named Eve.
Eve had revealed her interest in me several times and I kinda stepped over it or kept her on hold, because she wasn’t my first choice. She didn’t occur to me as an alpha female, which I was convinced would be the most beneficial to me.
Then one day Eve asked me where I lived and I told her. Then she said “I’m coming over your house tomorrow.” I thought to myself, that she was rather aggressive.
Eve came over the next night and began a relationship that changed my life forever.
There were many occurrences that took place during the year and a half relationship me and Eve had. A few of them impacted me tremendously.
The first was the confidence and freedom around her sexuality. I had never been with a woman as sexual as her. I was almost 4 years older than her and I was intimidated by her in the bedroom. She exposed me to a lifestyle that I spent the next 23 years of my life trying to duplicate.
The other thing that she did that was a life changer for me, was she slept with my two best friends. This was devastating for me. She destroyed my three closest relationships. I was unable to trust people after that.
I left this relationship with Eve feeling totally defeated and unloved. I was so moved by my experiences with Eve that I got born again in church and I began a life quest on understanding
human sexuality and spirituality.
I had to figure out how someone could make me feel so good and awful at the same time. I had to know why I was drawn to someone that treated me so poorly. I wanted to know why was my spiritual connection increasing in direct proportion to my sexual experiences.
There was something going on and I didn’t know what it was. I was dazed and confused, angry and hurt and I wanted answers. No one told me there would be days like these.
I spent the next 23 years being upset at Eve. I must have told the story of how she did me wrong a thousand times or more. I forged a new identity and a new life mission because of this disappointment. My view of what happened remained that way until today.
Two days ago the universe brought Eve back into my life. When I found her on Facebook, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I wanted to choke her, kiss her and everything in between. I got super nervous and wasn’t sure what to do next.
I sent her a message on Facebook and a friend request. Three hours later I received a reply for her, again I was overwhelmed with ambivalent emotions.
The next day we met for lunch, it was nothing like I imagined it would be. In fact it was a better experience than I could have ever imagined.
In short here is what I got. I had been making Eve wrong for what had happened in our relationship. I made up stories about why she did what she did to me. I changed my life because I was so impacted by her. Then today I realized I had it all wrong.
She actually didn’t do anything to me, she was doing all that she knew to do. She was being who she was and none of it had nothing to do with me. She didn’t actually intended to destroy me. That was my interpretation of what happen.
It turned out that she was the cause of me becoming the relationship expert that I am today. She was the reason that I began a quest for higher understanding. She was the reason that I developed the courage to explore sexuality. She set me free from the mental prison that I didn’t even know I was in.
She had been my first muse and I treated her like a war criminal. I called Eve and I made sure she knew how important she was to my growth and development. I also told her that I am committed to supporting her in her growth and development.
Once my view of the past got shifted and complete, my view of the future was shifted as well. I now see things in my future that I didn’t see before today. I have removed a large source of negative energy from my life. This negative energy that I was generating and keeping alive. I thought I was holding on to it as a reminder of the evil that men and woman do, so that I might avoid being a victim again. When actually I was making myself a victim. This approach wasn’t very effective for having a life of love and greatness, which is what I declared for myself many years ago.
Here is the take away for you who all read this. Life may give you experiences that at the time may seem horrible, so horrible that they may kill your spirt. If you declare yourself a victim because things didn’t go your way, you will miss the blessing or gift in what appears to be an awful experience. Life’s greatest lessons come from the worst experiences. A beautiful flower can’t grow from sunshine alone, even roses need rainy days.