I just realized that I’m afraid of being happy. Sounds crazy doesn’t it.It seems that whenever I feel as if I’m about to have exactly what I want, I get a bit anxious. I’m not sure why I feel this way, but I know I do. Please tell me that I’m not alone on this one?
Do you feel more comfortable when you have something to work for or fix in a relationship. When your relationship is going great does this make you uncomfortable? Do you find yourself waiting for something to go wrong or looking for a problem to reveal itself. Is it hard for you to believe that everything can be great? Are you as jaded as I am from your disappointed past.
I have had so many relationships go bad, that I find it hard to believe in the possibility to have a great relationship. I noticed that when a woman says exactly what I want to hear, I doubt her words to be true. I tell my self that “this is to good to be true”. Then I began to create her as either dishonest or confused, not knowing what she really wants.
What happened to my happy ever after dream. I used to believe in the possibility of a fantasy relationship, until my fantasies all went south. I once believed that anything is possible and love would conquer all. Now I don’t know what to believe.
I didn’t realize this until happiness knocked on my door and I refused to let it in. I peeped thru the blinds and saw happiness standing there and said to myself ” Why is happiness at my front door?” or something like ” That’s drama disguised as happiness, you wont fool me again.”
Then I call 911 and reported that I was afraid for my life, cause a happiness impersonator was on my doorstep. The police showed up and escorted happiness away. Then I sat in the house, sad and lonely, hoping that the real happiness would soon show up and relieve me of my misery. Does this sound familiar?
This was all do to my fear of getting hurt again and looking bad. I also don’t want to look silly in front of my friends and family by being played again in a relationship. I have many times toted “She is the one!” Then a year later I was screaming “That B!*@# is crazy.” This pattern has me questioning my judgment.
If you can relate to this, let me know. As I said before Love is the answer. First we have to love ourselves, then we can love others. When you remove your fear, all that is left is Love.