For years I have believed that unhappy people are the root of the problems in the world. When someone is unhappy with himself or herself, they will project their unhappiness outward into the world. By playing their unhappy movie on the screen of others, they never see anything but unhappiness.
I was a very unhappy person for a long time and I didn’t even know it. I had a protective coat of armor that kept me safe from any risk of hurt. My armor also kept me from experiencing lots of happiness. I was focused on what I didn’t want and spent lots of time avoiding anything I thought would lead to pain.
For most of my dating career I wouldn’t allow myself to like a woman past a certain point. When I started to feel an intense emotional connection that was beyond my capacity to handle, my emotional governor would kick in. I wouldn’t let any women get so close, that if she left me, I’d be crushed. It got so bad that I started picking woman that I really didn’t like, because they’d be easy to get over, when things ended. As you could imagine, I wasn’t happy.
My list of potential dangers grew exponentially after every unwanted experience. The more things I had to worry about, the more I drifted away from happiness. Just like the US military, most of my resources were being allocated to defense. My happiness budget had been dramatically cut over the years or diverted to survival such as…dodging bullets that others were sending my way.
I still believed that I would find happiness somewhere out there. Either some person or something was going show up in my life and Poof, just like that I’d be happy. That’s how it happens on tv.
I received a feeling that I called happiness form time to time during my current lust affair. I would always feel a short-lived spike in happiness upon purchasing my flavor of the month material item. For a short while I had convinced my self that this would be enough to keep my satisfied in the world of happiness, but it wasn’t.
I eventually realized that happiness wasn’t found in stuff or in what someone else does for me. Happiness is a state of being. Babies are happy, just because, their happiness has nothing to do with anything else.
I have discovered the best forms of happiness are happiness that’s attached to nothing, the happiness of serving others, and the happiness of completing a goal of a worthy cause.
When my happiness is attached to nothing it remains, when other things around me change. When I’m serving others I’m out of my head, not focused on my stuff, just thinking about how I can be of support. When I complete a goal that moves my life forward, these are the happiest moments of my life.
I’m least happy when my happiness is dependent on other conditions and circumstances. I’m least happy when I’m living my life selfishly and I’m never happy when I’m bull shitting my life away.
So the formula for happiness is to be happy just because…you don’t need a reason. Happiness is a choice. Be happy because you made someone else happy and be happy because you are moving forward in a manner aligned with mind body and spirit growth.